That's my new mantra. And I'm applying it to trying to lose weight. With the exception of pregnancy, I have officially hit my highest weight. Not a milestone I'm particularly proud of. I know it has to do with my eating habits. I have spent months exercising and not seeing the scale budge, but when I stop eating sugar the scale drops...a lot. A contributing factor is definitely my insulin resistance and PCOS. Things were under control for a while, but I can feel that things aren't working very well on the inside. I feel a lot like I did when we were trying to get pregnant with Emma. Yes, we're trying to get pregnant, but it's obviously not working. I am addicted to sugar, I crave it all day, I need it in order to function, but if I eat it, I gain weight. Exercising does not take this weight off. So, I am once again trying South Beach diet, which works really well for me. Last time I did it I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks. After doing the hcg diet (lost 20 pounds with that one), South Beach should be a piece of cake (mmm...cake...), but it's still hard. I'm a little scared that I'm not going to be able to get pregnant again and this is it. No more babies. While I'm comfortable with 2 and I love our girls, I feel like we're supposed to have one more. So I'll keep trying. I also eat when I'm bored and for some reason I've been bored lately. No motivation to work on any of my projects, so I end up bored and wanting sugar.
I have way too many "issues." I'm bored and have no motivation b/c of the whole self discipline thing. The only thing I want to do is spend money-that makes me happy. But I can't spend money. But that's okay. I just need to work on the self discipline thing. I'll get there.
I also have this other issue-when Dave and I decide to do something I get obsessed with it-researching, finding the best deal, reading up, etc. So we've decided to buy a house. And I am OBSESSED. We've looked at many houses, I've changed requirements, cities, square footage, and everything else you can think of to find the ideal house. We've gone back and forth over the idea of increasing our price range. It's hard to go to some homes of friends and see all the "stuff" they have and not want that for myself, but then I remember that we'd rather travel and have money to do fun things than have a huge house...but a nice big house would be so GREAT...then I'm back to remembering that we should not do more than we can handle...see what I mean about back and forth?? Should we be on the west side of the freeway or east side of the freeway? So now my days are filled with internet searches for homes for sale. I've seen every single house on the internet available in this area in our price range (and some beyond). I've learned all about short sales and foreclosures. I've learned about which areas are better for resale value and I've learned to think of this home as a future rental home. I think that's why I'm not motivated to do other things-I'm fixated on this one thing. Oh well, I'll get over that as well.
Enough of my issues.
I have a wonderful life. I have a husband who is supportive and encouraging. He never expects anything of me that he isn't willing to do himself. He works hard for our family. He has high hopes for our family and wants to be with us. I love him so so much. I have 2 GREAT daughters who make me laugh and smile everyday. They have pure, sweet spirits and are inquisitive and curious. I love just staring at their faces and seeing the different emotions in their expressions. I try to imagine what their thought processes are and it makes me laugh when they ask certain questions that are so innocent. And while I am sometimes irritated in the moment, I love it when Emma cries b/c she's scared for me when I don't put on my seatbelt for a minute. I get to stay home with my girls and do the things that interest me. I have a lot of different interests and I've been able to pursue each one (except the ones that require me to be gone during the day-lol). I have awesome family members and I love to be with each and every one of them. I have friends who are loyal and so much fun to be around! I have a roof over my head, food to eat, the gospel of Jesus Christ to guide my actions...there isn't anything I have to complain about that I haven't brought upon myself with my own weaknesses. I am so grateful!
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